Scared

I received a phone call from my husband this afternoon.  He told me that we only have $22 in our bank account.  This is supposed to last us until next Thursday.  How did we get here? How did we get to the point where we only have $22 in our total bank accounts.  How do I look my daughter in the eye knowing I may not be able to support her? We didn’t plan for my husband to be laid off for the winter.  We didn’t save anything.

All I want to do now is sell my house and leave.  We can’t afford our life.  We can’t afford anything.  I hate that we are always having money problems.  Last year was pretty much one of the worst years of my life.  We kept having the most horrible things happen to us one right after another.  We couldn’t catch a break at all.  Now, we are going through this all over again.  I thought this year was going to be better.

When will I be able to breathe again?  When will I be able to look at my kid and tell her, we are going to be all right.  I can’t believe what a disappointment we are to our child.  I want to be optimistic about life and be grateful for what I do have.  But it is so hard for me to that right now.  You know what?  Here are the things I am grateful for: my daughter who can drive me crazy but make me laugh all at the same time, my husband who is just as scared as I am but always tries to stay optimistic, my mother who I know I could tell anything to, my friends who are always there even when I don’t ever get to see them, my job that keeps me sane when there is so much sanity in my life.  Maybe by remembering what I am grateful for, I am sending some positive thoughts out to the universe and it can stop kicking my butt.

 

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