Rob is laid off for the winter and money is beyond tight. We weren’t ready for this and we didn’t save for it. I have no idea how we are going to pay for anything. Our credit cards are maxed and our savings is used up. We are about to do our taxes and I hope we get back enough to get through the winter. I really hope that the fact that he is getting his class B license will help him at work.
All I keep worrying about is I won’t have enough money to feed Jocelyn. I am so scared that we won’t be able to take care of her. Talk about feeling like a failure to your child. I am working on trying to get paid more at work but nothing will happen, if it happens at all, until July.
I just feel like such a failure. I pray that Jocelyn really finds what she truly is passionate about in life. I wish I would have listened to my mom when I was younger. I would be doing what I love right now. I hope that Jocelyn listens to my advice when she is older. I hope she makes good life choices. I know I didn’t. All I want is to make her proud. Most days, I feel like a horrible mother. I hate when I yell at her. I hate when I scream at the top of my lungs sometimes at her. I know it will affect her in the future. I keep saying I won’t do that again but then I do. I never really thought I would be a mother or even married at that. Some days I feel like I made a mistake having a baby then others I can’t imagine my life without her.
All I want is for her to have a happy life.